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Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be, by Eve Eschner Hogan, Steven Hogan
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This solutions-oriented guide offers problem solving and behavior changing strategies for people working on their most intimate relationships. The book provides readers with: enhanced knowledge of their own and their partners' beliefs, values, habits, desires, goals, likes, and dislikes; ideas for opening communication and deepening a relationship; skills for making healthy decisions about lifestyles and boundaries; an in-depth understanding of the role of self-esteem in relationships; increased ability to let go of the past and embrace the present; and the knowledge that it is important not only to choose the right partner, but also to be the right partner. What distinguishes Intellectual Foreplay from similar titles is that it includes guidelines on what to do with the answers it gives. This makes it useful in both creating and sustaining a relationship.
- Sales Rank: #105579 in Books
- Brand: Hogan, Eve Eschner/ Hogan, Steve
- Published on: 2000-01-20
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.75" h x 5.75" w x .75" l, .87 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 273 pages
Amazon.com Review
"What should you ask someone before you get seriously involved?" Eve Eschner Hogan wondered while she was starting a long-distance relationship with her future husband, Steve Hogan. Intellectual Foreplay is designed to spark stimulation and interest through intimate communication. "Like its physical counterpart, [it] can build excitement and desire--or quickly reveal a lack of compatibility, saving you months, or even years, of developing a relationship that isn't going to work," say the authors.
It's an interesting concept: questions to ask to determine compatibility or just get to know a lover or potential lover better. The book starts with "Who Are You?" questions covering a myriad of topics, such as self-esteem, values, hobbies, trust, romance, spirituality, health, and time management. Other sections include "Where Did You Come From?" (past, family, friends, education, and intelligence), "Where Are You Going?" (money, work, and future), "Can We Live Together?" (home, household responsibilities, food, bathroom, pets, vehicles, garden), and "Where Are We Going?" (vacations, holidays, children, wedding, and sex). Some questions will strike you as significant and others as unsubstantial--choose the ones that intrigue you. Tips for using the questions productively are peppered throughout the book. For example, figure out your top 20 "non-negotiable" questions and answer them yourself before asking them of a partner. It's an interesting spin on relationship deepening, and will certainly spark conversation. --Joan Price
About the Author
Hogan is a freelance writer.
Hogan is an underwater cinematographer.
Most helpful customer reviews
71 of 73 people found the following review helpful.
Before you make that next date....
By Mera Falcon
Buy this book. Read this book. Thoroughly. There are enough questions to spread out over several months, but asking them all the first week might scare your sweetie away! The goal is to get to know the person you're with, not to interrogate them. Take your time, weave them into the conversation. This is a wonderful book for people already in a relationship, but even BETTER if you buy it while you are still single, making that list of qualities you want to find in a partner. I agree with the reviewer who said it helped her map her value system. Some of the best advice given in this book is that in order to attract the type of person you want to be with, you must first BECOME the person you want to be with -- if you want to meet an outdoorsy type, then be an outdoorsy type. Sounds insanely simple, and it is. I am already ordering more copies for my friends.
42 of 44 people found the following review helpful.
Useful for all types of relationships
By S Richardson
Sure, it OUGHT to be second nature, and we really SHOULD be asking most of these questions anyway. That's part of the beauty of this book: the questions are so simple and useful that it seems uneccessary to compile them into a book. However, many of us get caught up in a relationship before we have been able to ask more than just a few questions of our prospective partner, and by that time we are willing to overlook a lot of what we find out later.
This book is not only useful for "interviewing" prospective partners. As a tool for getting to know the people in your life better, this book provides questions that help you find commonalities with co-workers, friends, family, activity partners, etc. I found "Intellectual Foreplay" to also be a good way for me to know myself better- to evaluate my own goals and ideals - by asking myself some of the questions Eve Hogan has compiled.
Can you live life without this book? Do you already ask a lot of these questionsof people anyway? Sure. But a good book doesn't always rewrite everything we do - hopefully it simply improves it.
40 of 42 people found the following review helpful.
Note from the author
By Eve Hogan
This is in response to the person who rated Intellectual Foreplay poorly primarily because he/she felt that it was not possible for seven customers to review the book in the course of four months. First, I'm sorry if you did not find value in the book. However, I would like to assure you that all of the seven "customers" were real customers and users of the book. Secondly, the book came out in January of 2000 not December 2000. However, what you probably saw that confused you was the REPRINT date, as the book's first printing entirely SOLD OUT! I invite you to revisit the book and CAREFULLY read the first four chapters rather than skipping to the questions, as your very valid issues of honesty and such are addressed in the content found there. In addition, in the first chapters I speak to the importance of carefully reading the material in order, rather than taking it out of context, so that you will be able to truly benefit from the questions and understand how to use them. Ironically, a retired friend of ours has just started dating someone and one of the first topics of importance to him was whether or not she would be interested in traveling the country in a recreational vehicle. So while that particular question was not of interest to you, there are millions of people dating with different interests-hence the importance of asking! Bless you on your search for love!
See all 75 customer reviews...
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